My dad at present is in Maryland waiting for a heart xsplant. This is all of the options left to him as of this date.He is finally free from pneumonia and all blood infections have cleared up. He is on multiple listings and we are hoping for one soon. This is a double edged sword in my opinion due to another family must lose one of their members and I can not in all conscience ask for that either. That is all as of today. You are reading this probably wondering why would someone post this? I am glad you asked....and thus we take a walk back in time to October of 2010 when my father had a massive heart attack and was immediately sent to Maryland to save his life.  At the time, I had just begun taking classes toward a college degree in January and this was my second semester.  An Lvad (left ventricular assistive device)was implanted in his chest attached to his heart and thus saved his life. It is essentially a pump that works for his heart. This then began the struggle for the next 7 1/2 months to keep my father alive and his spirits to the point he will not give up. I helped drive my mom back and forth to Maryland 3 times a week, I drove there one day myself and when I got back, I went to class. I sat with my father and did my homework, kept him company. We talked, we laughed and some days he couldn't speak at all so we watched TV.  I made meals and took them to my mom's house so I knew she was eating. I spent Christmas eve with my mother and New Years Eve with my father. My brothers and sisters all pitched in when they could also. I had homework and papers and finals and I was raising 3 children (2 teens and one tween). Sleep was a memory of something I used to do.
The struggle continued.  Yes life really does suck. In January of 2011, I began seeing a therapist for flashbacks and anxiety.  I had been sexually abused by a doctor since I was 6 years old and it continued for 13 years not to mention the stress I was going through. It was time to deal with these issues if not for me, but for my children.
My father eventually came home in May, and I could finally focus on school....NOT. My father could not even walk at this point, his muscles were so atrophied. I began helping my mom with home care when I was not in class. Came July, I finally got up enough courage to walk out on an abusive marriage. 18 years is a long time to put up with crap. I have heard the, "why didn't you leave sooner" patent answer. Trust me, if you have not been in this situation, then you have no idea of the struggle, not to mention involving 3 children in a divorce.
My father got stronger and I had to help out less. This was one item off my plate. I was still dealing with child support and custody and putting myself through school. At times I wanted to just say "Uncle". But I have a really good friend who lives out of state, my brothers and sisters, and an adopted sister who have been here for me, believed in me, listened to me when I just needed to vent.  This is how I have made it through to see another day.
My father is back in the hospital, may get a heart, or his pump may stop and he will be gone. If this happens, at least I had my father for another year longer than I would have. I got to sit with him over the summer and talk and basically spend time with him. I love you dad very much.
To make a long story a little shorter, I graduated from college in December and I am just beginning a new part time job. I am starting to put my past behind me and move forward. My children are wonderful. They supported me through college and we are a team now pulling together, crying together and making it through life.  I would love to go visit my friend out of state someday to meet him and thank him for still being here and helping me make it through some of my darkest days.
This is only a glimpse of what I have gone through in my life, but I am hoping others will read this blog and post their stories. I did not post this for pity, I posted this to show how life can really beat you down and no matter how bad it gets, you have the strength inside you to make it through to tomorrow. My advice is to not focus on the bad points, focus on how far you have come in one day, and know that someone is there to listen and understand. I have been through what I call hell, walked over the fiery hottest coals, cried many a night from dreams, nightmares and waking episodes of PTSD and I am here still. Big Hugs out there to those struggling with life as I am. I am here to listen to your story, if you have no where else to turn. Post your life story, vent all the anger and frustration out, and we will support each other through life. God puts us all here for a reason, if not to reach out and help each other make it through the darkest days.
I will be back tomorrow, hopefully with some good news about my father. Until then remember....A smile is a window into the light in our souls. Smile even though it hurts.